We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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