i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
