Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
