I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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