and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
