We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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