Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
