God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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