At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
