My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
