Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
