If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sext me about skeletons
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize