You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
