Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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