I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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