I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
