Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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