Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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