you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
