Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
