I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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