Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
