My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
