I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i barfeds in our rink
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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