He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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