You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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