Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
