he was CRYING into my vagina
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
