just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
