She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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