We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
