I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
