I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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