all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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