So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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