I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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