I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
