....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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