He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.