i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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