I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.