I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.