i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.