So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
