Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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