He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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