Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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