Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
