im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
