I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
