bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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