It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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