If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
