Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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