Your dad touched me again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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