every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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