So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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