new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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