FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
