she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
