oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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