I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
