He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
