i was born a porn star she said
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
