Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.