I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.