We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
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Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm gonna fight the coyote