Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels