Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.