Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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