I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
