SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
God, you're like boner-b-gone
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
